I just noticed that I have yet to get up on my soapbox and rant about something yet in this blog. Well, that streak is over…

I heard a story on NPR the other day about fortune cookies. Apparently, there are only three major companies that actually produce the fortunes that we find inside. I found it of great interest when the companies talked about how they had to be careful in crafting the fortunes in the cookies as not to offend anyone because there are certain fortunes that led to many complaints.

What’s funny to me, is that I didn’t even flinch at first. That’s how desensitized to the lunacy of the modern world I have become. Think about it, people actually call to complain about a scrap of paper in a cookie and what it says to you, the randomly assigned consumer. Seriously? Are people that small-minded? Who cares what the cookie says? If you don’t like what it has to say, or find it offensive, you can take that cookie and smash it to little inedible crumbs to show it who’s the boss! Now what cookie? Huh? Now what?

So the next story I’d like to relay is that of golf courses. Here in America, we love us some golf. So much so that we have about half of the world’s golf courses. So many, that all of our golf courses would roughly cover the state of Delaware.

Audubon International estimates that the average American course uses 312,000 gallons per day, with some courses in Palm Springs using upwards of a million. So to summarize, in one day, a golf course uses more water than a family of 4 does in an entire year.

Golfers wonder why they are painted as arrogant, selfish and pompous. I certainly don’t know why. Oh, before I forget, over 40% of Golf Digest readers think global warming is a myth. Anyway, like I said, complete mystery on this one…

This may not seem really important right now, because when you turn on your faucet, your subsidized water flows freely. but over the next 20 years, as our potable water sources shrink, guess what, you will. There is no alternative hydrant. We can’t drink hydrogen, or ethanol. When the water is gone, it is gone.

So how the heck do these stories relate? Well, all of the people who complain over fortune cookie messages should take all of that wasted energy and get behind a cause that affects something important, like your children and grandchildren and little Aiden, Caden, Ava and Madison. So offended citizens unite, and go get the golfers!