So we went to Paris this weekend… it was interesting because the trip was spontaneous, so we didn’t have a lot of time to make detailed plans and itineraries, yet it was so much fun. There were a lot of highlights to the trip for me, but one of the coolest things was the catacombs.
Of course, there is a backstory. So the catacombs are the 2nd to last thing on our list of things to do in our 2 days, and we get to the line with about 90 minutes to spare before they close…….. or so we thought…….. it CLOSES at 5, but the last person enters the catacombs at 4pm, and they take this closing time VERY, VERY seriously. They let one person in each time another person leaves, so the line just keeps inching forward. A man came around at about 3:40 (or 15:40, as we Europeans say), and said “20 minutes, 20 minutes!!!! You might as well leave now, cause you won’t get in!!!” A few people got out of line (or “the queue,” as we Europeans say), but about 10 people got in line for each one who left. So as the time started ticking, everyone started to get a little panicky. These 3 Spanish guys behind us started smoking like chimmneys, and everyone was talking louder and louder. At about 3:55, we had crept to within about 20 people from the front of the line, and that is when the Spanish guys started pushing, and the French guy in front of us invited his two friends to cut in line ahead of us. 3:56…. Spanish guys are now actually bumping up against me about every 7 seconds… 3:57… I’m starting to wonder if the Spanish guy is bumpng up against me for some weird sexual reason, or maybe trying to pick my pocket? 3:58… the guard is furiously shouting Deux Minutes (2 minutes for this of you who don’t speak French) and thrusting deux fingers in the air over and over. At 3:59, I switched places with Michael because the Spanish guy was really starting to piss me off, and Michael turned around, pointed at him, and made a chop motion with his hand while staring the guys down. They immediately backed off… until the guard yelled “seize heures!!!!! no more, no more!!!” and then said (in French WHICH I understood…. sort of) “as an exception, we will let 10 more in, 10 only!” and he started counting down. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (Frenchy), 6 (French guy’s friend), 7 (French guy’s friend), 8 (Me!!!!), 9 (Michael!!!!) 10 (Spanish weirdo)…. and then low and behold the other two Spanish guys snuck in too. They were jumping around with their cigarettes laughing and giggling like a trio of schoolgirls. But, we were in, and I guess that’s all that matters.
So, what are the catacombs?
Join Michael in the entrance, and he will show you!
The Catacombs are an underground ossuary, which were organized in the subterranean tunnels of Paris toward the end of the 18th century, when the government began converting several underground rooms into mass graves. This was necessary to meet desperate overcrowding in the medieval cemeteries in the center of Paris, which also became a hygienic problem. From 1785 to 1786, millions of bones and rotting corpses were transported from the unsanitary city cemetery in Les Halles to this place. It was a monumental project to transport the bones in huge carts at night across the city.
And here they are, in huge piles, arranged as crosses, as faces and in other different configurations. Above the door outside are the words C’est ici L’Empire de la Mort (means something like… Stop… here is the Empire of the Dead).
And then you go inside…. and it is cold, and damp, and you can’t see a thing. You feel cool water dripping from the ceiling on your neck, and you feel the gravel beneath you feet, and then finally your eyes start to adjust, and you see bones. A LOT of bones. The bones of between 5 and 6 million people, stacked up for about 1 mile, through a twisty, dark, cold cavern.
