Dear High Speed Internets,

I miss you. Please come back. Without you I find myself exasperated, cursing your less quick relatives. I’m going crazy. I don’t like waiting for a minute while a site loads up. I like it better when I can open 80 things in new tabs and flip through them at any speed while streaming the latest tunes from Breakbeat or Pandora… Why hast thou forsaken me oh internets?

Anxiously Awaiting Your Return,

Michael

I now have an O2 mobile broadband USB thing and honestly, if I have to use this thing past a week I think I might just go down to Virgin Media Headquarters and take the building hostage until I get my cable modem activated.

(cut to Michael on cell phone gun pointed at innocents all spread among the floor)

“Okay Jen, are you sure it is on?”
“Yes.”
“All the lights are up?”
“Yes.”
“And your movie trailers are blazing fast? How is YouTube?”
“It is all very fast now.”
(hangs up)

Okay, you people are free to go home now.