If you really hate someone, you should consider ruining their otherwise fairytale pregnancy by having a witch doctor curse them with PUPPS (I’d never heard of it either….).
About a week before Zev was born, I got this weird brownish red itchy patch on my belly. The midwife said it was probably a version of a stretch mark, but nothing to worry about. It itched a little bit, but I thought that was from my skin being stretched to its absolute limit. It didn’t get worse, so I didn’t think much of it. Zev was born and all was well. Until Sunday night. The patch started to really itch. And then it spread. And spread. And spread. Imagine the worst mosquito bite in history. Now multiply the itchiness factor by, oh say 8 to the 42nd power. Now imagine this covers your entire body from your toes to your waist, and also your arms from fingers to just above the elbows. To top it off, imagine a lovely rash that slowly merges into one giant welt. This is PUPPS, or Priritic Urticartial Papuels and Plaques of Pregnancy. It is easily the worst thing ever. Worse than a nuclear bomb for sure. There is no relief for 2-6 weeks, and no one really knows why you get it, although there is a theory that it is male DNA trapped in a mother’s skin, since most women who get it have a male child, and the rash has male DNA in it. Only 1% of pregnancies are accompanied by this rash, but my mom and one sister had it (both with girls). I did get a small amount of itch relief from a product called Sarna lotion (made of camphor and menthol), but only for an hour or so. The rash seemed to have also made my ankles swell again, and that’s where I had the worst of the itching. I wanted to literally tear my skin off.
The worst of it is over. Now my skin just looks leathery and dry, and only itches from the dryness, which is easily resolved with any old lotion. I also no longer have welts all over my body, and strangers don’t look at me in horror. Oh sweet non itchy skin. How I love thee.